Volume II, Issue III: Extras

A Haiku, From Me to You

November 21, 2017

By Nicolas R. Brunstein, Staff Writer

Poems, I must write

If I don’t, Gabe will kill me

Please God, save me now

I don’t have a clue

On what to write anymore

I’m done with this shit

Gabe, you’re an asshole

No secret message this time

This is the last straw

I don’t give a fuck

Profanity, suck my ass

I’m gonna kill Gabe

That is a real threat

I swear, don’t try to stop me

I will kill you too

Hope you enjoyed it

A haiku, from me to you

Happy Thanksgiving

CLASSIFIEDS

Single, cisgendered, white male now desperately seeks flightless bird of any size for any sort of relationship. Still enjoys “masterpiece theatre,” long walks on the beach, and jello baths. (Pretty pretty please!!!)

Contact at (563) 349-6203.

ATTENTION!

If you are associated with the hooligans who post these nonsense letters on our door, please turn yourself into the 202 authorities in room 202 of Brittany Hall. We will not tolerate these shenanigans nor will we allow it to spread any further.

If you have received one of these letters or know anything about the culprits, please visit 202 Brittany so we can discuss this information in order for us to exterminate the enemies.

WANTED

This woman has retained crucial information regarding this investigation and is therefore a threat to the union.

Information

Name: Amina Odogba

Age: 18

Height: 5’5”

Hair Color: Brown

Eye Color: Brown

Room: 302

Misc: “Makes a mean grilled cheese”

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