Dear Dr. Florence: Morning Blues

Benjamin R. Florence, Ph.D., Staff Writer

December 5, 2017

Volume III, Issue I

Dear Dr. Florence,

I've been encountering some obstacles while getting ready in the morning. Sometimes I feel rushed when I leave the house. In the past, I have attempted strategies and techniques, such as the classic “sock shoe, sock shoe” style. However, this doesn’t always cut it, and I could really use your advice.

Formally,

Ferris Wheeler

Dear Ferris Wheeler,

I am very glad you asked. I have been meaning to write about morning routine tips and tricks for a while now, and you have given me the perfect opportunity. It all starts with waking up on time; a simple task, yet one that is ever elusive to many. My recommendation is to get the right alarm clock. First up, we have the SnuzNluz, an alarm clock that is connected to your bank account, and donates money to an organization that you hate every time you press snooze. Next, we have the eSmart Shape up Dumbbell Alarm Clock Barbell Clock Work Out Buddy, a clock that doubles as a dumbbell, and makes you do bicep curls before the alarm will shut off. Finally, we have my personal favorite: Clocky, the clock that jumps off of your dresser and zooms off, potentially lodging itself far underneath another piece of furniture.

If this hasn’t solved your problem, the next part you may want to consider streamlining is the shower. Right off the bat, I use all-in-one shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. With this product, you can get a big handful, and soap your entire body all at once. Also, make sure you dry from top to bottom.

Now we’ve gotten to the part you are wondering about: getting dressed. Now, I do not personally recommend the “sock shoe, sock shoe” method. Other methods, such as the “sock sock, shoe shoe” approach work just as well, while others, like the “shoe shoe, sock sock” or the “shoe sock, shoe sock” are less efficient. But I digress. Here’s my real secret to getting ready in the morning, with maximum efficiency:

wear nothing but overalls and crocs.

Charmed as always,

Dr. Benjamin R Florence Ph.D.