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Уильям Алексей, Guest Editorialist

December 5, 2017

Volume III, Issue I

HELLO MY FRIENDS

TODAY ON THE DECEMBER THE FIVE I REVIEW NEW BABKINY SEMECHKI.

-BACK IN HOMELAND I SEE YOUNG AND OLD ENJOYING SEMECHKI IN METRO, IN HOME, IN CINEMA, IN STREET, AND AT MARKETPLACE. I BRING SEMECHKI FROM HOME TO US AND A.

-BEFORE I GET ON METRO AT ВОДНАЯСТАНЦИЯ STATION I BUY SEMECHKI BAG FROM FAVORITE VENDOR AND COUSIN ARTYOM

-ON PLANE I SEE I NOT BUY STANICHYE BAG (BEST SEEDS IN ALL WORLD)

-SO, TODAY, I REVIEW NEW BABKINY SEMECHKI FOR AMERICA

BUT YOU ASK, WHAT IS SEMECHKI/?

-SEMECHKI IS POPULAR SNACK IN EASTRN EUROPE

-IS MADE OF MOST DELICIOUS FRIED SUNFLOWER OR PUMPKIN SEEDS HARVESTED IN ONLY THE FINEST ABANDONED PARKING LOTS

-SEMECHKI > крендельки

Запах (smell)

-I SIT IN BRONX METRO TO GET AUTHENTIC AROMA OF HOME

-I OPEN BABKINY SEMECHKI AND IS PLEASED BY SMELL. I SMELL THE OLD GRAIN FIELD NEAR HOUSE, SCENT OF FRIED SEED, BURNING RUBBER AND VODKA.

- I HAVE ONE ONLY COMPLAINT, BABKINY BAG SMELL OF METRO

-SEMECHKI SMELL 10/10

Вкус (taste)

-NEW SEMECHKI HAVE HARD SHELL

- WOULD RECOMMEND TO ANY AMERICAN WHO EAT THE JAWBREAKER CANDY -I PLACE SEED ON FLOOR AND WAIT FOR AMERICANSKIS TO STEP ON AND CRACK OPEN

-SUCCESS

-SEMECHKI IS TOUGH AS WINTER IN GULAG -BABKINY SEMECHKI REMIND ME OF TIME SPENT OUTSIDE FLAT IN YOUTH

-IN THOSE DAYS, славяне WOULD SQUAT NEAR PARK BENCH WITH POCKET-FULL OF SEMECHKI AND PLAY FUN GAME

-GOOD DAYS

-SEMECHKI TASTE 8/10

ПОБОЧНЫЕ ЭФФЕКТЫ (side effects)

-FLOODS YOU WITH NOSTALGIA AND PLAGUE

-ONLY EAT IF YOU ENJOY BITING INTO BRICK

-POSSIBLE TEETH LOSS

-100% ДЕРЬМО

-GOD KNOWS WHAT IS MADE OF BABKINY SEMECHKI

-YOU WILL END UP WANDERING STREET OF NEW YORK IN BROKEN STATE>

ФИНАЛЬНЫЙ СЧЕТ (final score)

-11/10

-BABKINY SEMECHKI > STANICHYE SEMECHKI