Scooter Obsession

Nicolas R. Brunstein

October 6, 2017

Volume II, Issue I

NEW YORK- Drugs, alcohol, sex, money, and porn -- all common obsessions of the common New Yorker. However, a new and catastrophic addiction is gaining traction: scooters. These goddamn two-wheeled dumbass-machines are taking over the streets. Every corner of every block, you’ll find someone making his or her way with a scooter. Zipping and pushing down the sidewalk, these riders make themselves a common inconvenience to most pedestrians. Why can’t they just walk? I really can’t answer that. I’m honestly lost for words. If they really want to get around quicker, just use a skateboard or bike and go on the street. You look dumb. But what do I know? I don’t care.

See, I can understand having a drug addiction. Shooting up some cocaine sounds great right now. Money? Yeah, I can do with some of that. Scooters, however I simply can’t get my head around. I don’t understand how one could possibly think they look cool on a scooter or believe that it’s an efficient method of transportation. I bet some of you are thinking I’m going too hard on the scooter community. If you ride a scooter, I’m sorry but I’m trying to help reduce the growth of this epidemic. Please, for the love of God, just stop riding them.