Been Stellar at Sunnyvale

Nicolas r. Brunstein, Staff Writer

December 5, 2017

Volume III, Issue I

It’s me, Nicolas R. Brunstein back with another groundbreaking story. Last time, I went undercover to Lipton dining hall to see why there was so much food waste. I concluded in the previous issue that the excessive waste was caused by the food’s inability to taste good. However, there are now reports that rat droppings have been found. Now while I could be talking about this shit, I will be talking about some other fecal matter: Been Stellar. Please, do not disregard me as a journalist for having a bias opinion on this band. I have absolutely no affiliation with them nor have I ever directly spoken to any of the band members. Nevertheless, I had the opportunity to go see their live performance at Sunnyvale in Brooklyn. As I walked in, I sensed an instant feeling of regret. I was charged ten dollars to see them play “music” and I can honestly say I have never been more disappointed with a purchase in my life. Sam (the Slut) Slocum, the lead singer of the band, was undoubtedly the biggest tool I have ever seen. His “on-stage swagger” was nothing but pure arrogance and I hated it. He looks dumb and stupid. Gabriel Oldfield, the Editor in Chief of The ‘02 Tribune also attended this “event.” He was found plugging in his ears the entire set, crying the whole way through. Overall, they were awful and will never be good. Check out their new single “Midwestern Holiday” on Spotify and see them live Dec. 16 at The Wayward Social.