Slander from 202A

Joshua Ellis-Einhorn, Staff Writer

November 7, 2017

Volume II, Issue I

NEW YORK- Calamity struck the walls of Brittany 202, when Gabriel “Gabbers” Oldfield demanded Nicolas Brunstein return a “blanket.” Sources cannot find the object in question and believe Gabriel “Grumble” Oldfield to be lying. Mr. Brunstein claims he does have a “blanket” but that it was in fact hand knit for him by his dear father who recently visited. Gabriel “Oldfield” Oldfield plans to violently rip this “blanket” away from his suitemate. In a fit of passion Gabriel “The Rock” Oldfield declared an ultimatum: either Mr. Brunstein gives up a “blanket” or there will be “consequences.” As of now Mr. “Penguin Eater” Oldfield has not elaborated as to what said “consequences” would entail. I had the opportunity to speak with Mr. Brunstein.

Josh: Do you have any response to Mr. ‘Thank God They Left’ Oldfield’s claims?

Nico: Mama told me not to sell worth 17 5 same color T-Shirt

Josh: Well, yes, I see that but Oldfield’s claims are regarding a ‘blanket’ not a t-shirt

Nico: Neck water faucet, making birds mocking

It was at this point that I had made a crucial error and was not speaking to Nico Brunstein but was instead speaking to the hit song “T-Shirt”