Porn: How Much Is There?

Samuel Slocum, Staff Writer

December 12, 2017

Volume III, Issue II

NEW YORK- After an hour long dinner conversation about porn between Nico Brunstein (202), Skyler Knapp (211), and myself, I decided to write my weekly article about our findings. We weren’t just being horn-dogs talking about what porn we watch, (because we don’t watch porn) but rather the hard facts; the analytics behind porn.

I have put an email into Brett at pornhub.com trying to get to the bottom of just how much porn there is. My initial estimate is that there is 200-300 years worth of porn, meaning it would take that long to view it all if one were to sit and watch all of it. Brunstein’s initial estimate being “probably 3 or 4 trillion decades,” may seem a bit off, but who knows. Knapp, however, does not believe in porn. He doesn’t seem to think it is real, as his only contribution to the conversation last night was, “you guys are being idiots, porn is not real.” While this could very well be true, we’ll have to see once Brett gets back to me. Brett’s email is brett@pornhub.com, so you should send him any inquiries you have about porn, balls, or anything of the sorts. He specifically asked me to not share his email, so please just be cool about it.