Parents Weekend Shows the Best of NYU

Gabriel Oldfield

October 23, 2017

Volume I, Issue IV

NEW YORK- As many readers know, the past weekend was NYU’s so called “parents weekend,” an opportunity for parent to come and “check out” the college lifestyle and act cool, just like it was “back in my day.” Many parents discovered, though, that the heavy drug use and experimentation of their own college years has all but vanished.

Parents this weekend were pleasantly surprised that not only did AlcoholEdu help ensure that their children would drink safely, but almost entirely took away the motivation to drink at all. George Peters, 51, of Hulmeville, Pennsylvania, parent of C.A.S. freshman Michael Peters, 18, stated “I was amazed that during the entire weekend I never spotted a student vomiting into a trashcan in WaSquaPa, as the kiddos say, and never encountered a drunken haze when I was chatting with Mikey’s roommates.”

(Above is pictured the floor of room 810 in Rubin the Monday after Parents Weekend)

Students this week showed their parents the true college experience in the modern era of university education. On Sunday students accompanied their parents to the airport and sent them on their way. That night they finally finished that Expository Writing essay and would later do their own laundry to clean the remainder of vomit off of last weekend’s attire while looking through their friends’ instagrams, serving now only as “fuzzy memories of a fun night.”