Impending War?

Joshua Ellis-Einhorn, Staff Writer

November 21, 2017

Volume II, Issue II

NEW YORK- 202B Celebrates! After last week’s events the room has officially declared independence! After the tyrannical Mr. Oldfield’s ill advised decision to brutally mistreat Pres. Brunstein, the final nail was struck when Mr. Oldfield violently yelled at Mr. Ellis-Einhorn when he “wouldn’t write his fucking article” and “was taking a nap.” In his defence, Mr. Ellis-Einhorn vaguely made a bunch of vague moans that translated vaguely to “I was very tired.” Mr. Oldfield also was not very nice when Mr. Ellis-Einhorn told him he was going to get a haircut. As this article was being written, he “did not care” when Mr. Ellis-Einhorn said he would miss him while he was in Bangor “I Barely Know Her,” Maine.

After these horrid deeds, Mr. Ellis-Einhorn got very angry and fully accepted Pres. Brunstein’s decision to secede.

According to Mr Brunstein, 202B will have no choice but to declare war if 202A does not relax its policies.

Updates will follow as more information comes in.