Doctors Hate This! (You'll Never Guess)

Nicolas R. Brunstein, Staff Writer

November 21, 2017

Volume II, Issue III

A new face cream that helps rejuvenate old, disgusting people to look beautiful and hip? Nope. A single pill that can cure any type of cancer at any stage? Of course not! Then what is it this time? What in the world could infuriate so many doctors? Well, I’m here to tell you:

1. Nazis - You probably wouldn’t have guessed it, but doctors really do hate Nazis! Who would have known, am I right? As many might not know, these fascist pricks are hated amongst many people all across the world (the Nazis I mean, not the doctors)!

2. Death - You may have not know this, but doctors hate when their patients die! Some of them may even dislike it when one of their loved ones dies. Wowza!

3. Fake Statistics - If you didn’t already know, 87% of all doctors hate fake statistics! Jeezum, that’s a lot of doctors. About 33% of these MD/PhD-holders believe that fake stats misrepresent what the public believes about many pressing issues. What nerds, am I right?

Hah! Neat-O! It’s amazing how much you didn’t know about some of society’s most respected people, isn’t it? I find this information to be quite remarkable and not at all stupid. Next time, I’ll be back with another article about a fruit that will cure all your skin problems that you’ll totally read because your life is consumed by clicking on nonsense tag lines! Your destructive lifestyle is built off the time you waste on this pathetic shit. Till next time!